What they never told you would happen when you became a dad

Becoming a dad is the most amazing thing to happen to me in my life but I wish someone would have told me what certain things would happen.

Now I was told all about the important stuff like changing bums, feeding, dressing the baby and that’s all good but when it comes to the practical test well that’s a whole new ball game.

Lets start from birth to a few years old shall we…

You feed your baby and you watch them drink their milk, it’s all cute their sleepy, warm and full but now its time to burp the baby, so you still them up and tap their back not to hard not to soft just keep tapping…and your tapping…and your tapping but no sign of wind. You bend down to talk to your baby or maybe even to kiss them and BURP! right in your face the smell of warm sour milk lingers as you won the battle but somehow lost the war.

Burping Baby

The nappy change is next and 2 things I should have been warned properly about and the first one is why didn’t anyone say the babies poo changes colour green, yellow and very strong-smelling. The other is if it’s a boy and you open the nappy then you better have the speed of The Flash or you’re in the splash zone! Countless times I have been weed on trying to catch it in the nappy before its to late but it’s always to late.

Dressing a girl is a big one for me, I am 33 and still don’t know the difference between tights and leggings. You ever tried putting tights on a wriggly one year old its like a challenge out of the Krypton Factor (I loved that program) and making them look pretty with an outfit that goes together…my little boy is easy jeans, t-shirt and socks and he’s done but little girls need a personal shopper these days.

Toddlers have only one aim and that’s to drop you to your knees with one swift punch, headbutt or kick. Yes they have a way of always managing to hit you in the right spot without even thinking about it. The first time I ever heard my beautiful baby girl laugh was while I was changing her nappy I reached for the baby wipes and BOOM she drops her feet into my nuts makes me yelp and while I’m trying to recover shes giggling away it was a bitter-sweet moment.

No means yes and yes means no but no can also mean no but not yes.

The best things you will ever her in your life I guarantee you will come from your children for example my little boy didn’t want the milk he asked me for because there was a shark in it or he can’t eat his dinner because its far too stinky.

They will do and say things that will make you want the ground to swallow you up whole for instance we was walking out of nursery yesterday and Freddie walked past a nice lady stopped and said “You’re a big lady aren’t you” I couldn’t apologise more or when your one year old keeps biting the dentist and wont let go of his finger.

With all of this you just need to take it in an learn from it because there is no right or wrong way to do parenting sometimes you just have to wing it and hope it all works out fine.




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