WANTED man around 34 years old, slim build, 5ft 10 inches, funny and good looking…..have you seen him?
Neither have I and ive looked under the sofa.
Years ago I was a shadow of the person I am now and it’s taken me so long to realise this, so long I have been deaf to it and pretended that this is me now so I have to deal with it.
Before my Mental Health got worse and took its toll on me I was this fun loving guy who loved life, loved going out with friends and family, socialised and took good care of myself.
Now I don’t go out unless I have to pick the kids up from school, I don’t socialise anymore not even in my own home, I have cut myself off from all family and friends and am just basically existing when some days I don’t even want to do that.
I ignored everything around me, nothing mattered and I only did things because I was pushed into it like making an effort with myself or even getting up in the morning, my family life suffered with my relationship taking the brunt of it making it non existent, just 2 people living together.
Something had to change and change fast before I lost/lose everything, my family and my relationship.
So I have tried to be the person I was, the fun loving person my partner fell in love with the person that she knew and the person that everyone knew. I have dug deep and thought and really tried to bring that person back, I have looked everywhere and I can’t seem to find him, maybe he just doesn’t want to be found.
So the person I wanted and what everyone else wanted might be gone for good what do I do now? Just except that this is it and cope the best I can until I realise I am an old man who just let life go by with no change to reclaim any of it back and just hope what comes after life isn’t so bad.
The old me maybe gone but I can be a new me, a better me, a stronger and more stable me. Someone that my family can be proud of and someone my partner deserves to be with better that before or what she has now.
I have made a list of things I want to be doing by next year:
- Be back in work
- Be married (If she still wants me)
- Be off my medication or at least have it stabilized
- Help someone who is in my position
- Be able to say I love life
A new start…a new me.
You can shove your WANTED notice up your ass!!!!
Daddy Giraffe x