Thinking about my own mortality….where’s the off switch??


Life after Death
Thinking about Life after Death

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past few months and even more so over the past few weeks, and the constant topic on my mind is where do we go once we leave this earth and if there is a good and bad place where am I going and what for?

One of the most talked about things in life and something that I believe everyone had witnessed or thought they might have witnessed but are not quite sure and that is seeing ghosts. Was it a ghost or a past memory or is my mind playing tricks on me because I’m tired.

Throughout my life I believe I have seen maybe 10+ ghosts or I think I have in various different places from hotels, houses and just in general. One of the clearest I remember was I had just started seeing Cheryl and there was always a strange feeling about her house it never seemed quiet no matter what time it was. I came downstairs to get a drink in the middle of the night and there was a large man who walked through the kitchen he then stopped to stare at me and walked into the living room and vanished!!

I told Cheryl the next day and went through what he looked like from his glasses to the braces on his trousers and she told me that I had just described her Grandad. Then she showed me a picture, I didn’t know what to say. It was him and the fact he stopped to stare at me got me thinking he must have known I was there and could see me, So does that mean that there is a life after death??

Was he just repeating his life or watching over Cheryl and if he was there then is there a Heaven and Hell? I thought about this for a while and it faded into a distant memory until we lost a very close family member which made me question my whole life asking questions like…

Why am I here?

If I eventually die will anyone show up to my funeral?

If Heaven and Hell is real where am I going and has it already been decided for me?

If it’s already decided that I’m going to Hell them why do I love and care so much?


I remember lying on my bed thinking I just don’t believe that when you die that’s it there’s nothing at all, you can’t go through life experiencing all that love, pain, remorse, happiness just for nothing.

I watched my partner give birth to our children and they were brought into the world with love,  The happiest days of my life were watching Cheryl deliver these tiny miracles which she had so carefully grown and held for 9 months for it to mean nothing at all?  I only have to look into my children’s eyes and I see the future…I may go young or old but they are my future as will be their children and I would like to believe I will see them grow from somewhere after I’m gone.

Baby Bethie
Welcome to the world

I believe in a soul and throughout your life it makes your choices but not every one of them is good I just hope that when its my time to go I will be surrounded by my loved ones having seen my grandchildren come into this world as I leave passing the torch knowing that I did the best I could.

But what if I think I have done the best I can towards the end knowing that through my life I have hurt people, been selfish and done bad things does that mean I’m already destined to a life else where or just an eternity of wandering/re-living my life.

But the worst thing would be that there is nothing absolutely nothing at all, this has been plaguing me for ages and with my condition its making it 10x worse, but then I look at my family smile and think it was so worth it.

Walk of the unknown
The Walk Of The Unknown

Cheryl made a great point which got me thinking she said ” life is short you only get one so live it and don’t waste it on something not worth your time”. I hope I make every second count and regret nothing when its time

I would love to hear your thoughts, experiences and beliefs of what happens next

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