Parent…how do you know you are one?

You find yourself doing things when you’re a parent that you would never do when you never had children so how do you know the signs.

I was thinking this the other day and thought I wonder how many thing do I do today that I won’t of done years ago.

Changing Bums – We have all been there, when a friend or relative has changed their child’s bum and the smell makes you gag. How can something so foul-smelling come out of this little angel child!! But when your a parent you don’t bat an eye lid, you just grab them baby wipes and go at it like a champion. Bit of poo on my hand, no problem it’s just poo and quick wipe and on with our day.

Talking on pretend phones – Now I don’t care who you are, you can be the biggest, hardest man in solitary confinement in prison for murder but if a child hands you a pretend phone you will answer it!! Anything can be a phone to them a brush, a car even their hand but you better answer it your life depends on it with a smile.

Carrying/wearing things your kids have given you – You’ve seen them parents when you were single and childless walking with their kids, but the parent is wearing the Paw Patrol bag instead of the kid…that’s me! That’s right except my bag is a giraffe that my son takes to school but never actually wears, It goes the same for holding pink umbrellas in the rain just so your child is dry while your standing there soaking up all that glorious rain.

Pretending to drink tea – NEVER EVER DO IT!! Once you drink that pretend tea you will get never ending cups of tea from a bottomless teapot. But you better pretend that every cup tasted as good as the last one.

Kids TV – In your young free life you had no need to see the children’s channels, but when you have children you are invited into a world filled with Peppa Pig, Paw Patrol, Ben & Holly and Fireman Sam. You see these same shows day in and day out all the time but as soon as your child goes to bed at night do you change the channel…no! Instead you sit on the sofa to rest watching or having it as background noise before reality kicks in that the channel is still on.

You sing the children’s song even when the kids are not even here – I have lost how many times I have found myself singing the Bing Bong Boo song when I have been on my own, I couldn’t even tell you who is in the top ten in the charts at the moment but if you want I can sing you the whole of Fireman Sam.

I would like to say this will be over soon for me and they will grow up but I still have a 1 year old so I would say I have got a good 8 years of children TV shows before they move on to the next stage.

We do all of these things because we are parents and we made the choices to take on this responsibility and I can’t be the only one to think how much I will miss it once its all over and they don’t need us anymore.

Daddy Giraffe x



5k Dark Fun Run for charity. P.O.T.D

5k to me sounds like a long way to walk let alone run it.

My partner Cheryl decided she was going to do the Telford 5k Dark Run, as you may see in her blog she writes about getting fitter and eating healthier so this challenge was just down her street.

We all went and while she went to warm up with dancing and light workouts I watched the children ready to cheer on their mommy.

They all got to the start line, neon colour everywhere glowing in the dark and then they were gone, on their journey.

We went to get some hot drinks because it was bloody freezing so I can’t imagine what its like running in this cold weather but like the solider she is she powered through.

Now what you need to know about Cheryl has a condition called Intracranial Hypertension which is pressure on the brain so she is in constant pain from headaches and today was one of her bad days along side this her knee is under investigation of damage caused over the years.

But she took the challenge anyway and decided she will do what she wants from now on and not let things drag her down.

Nighttime came fast and I was pitch black so all we could see was tiny lights moving up and through the woods coming towards us. People came and went until we saw them in the distance running towards the finish line.

I can’t tell you how proud I am of her determination in what she wants to do, she want’s to make a collection of medals of charity runs and eventually tackle the Tough Mudder.

Keep going and onto your next race.

So here is my Pic of the Day:

5k Dark Fun Run
Running towards the finishing line

Worrying about your kids turning teen when you once were one

Going into your teenage years is a worrying thing for a child but even more so for a parent who has already been there.

One of our children is 13 and the other is soon to be 13 and this scares the crap out of me because I know what I was like as a teenager and what I got up to.

At these delicate times in their lives their hormones are going nuts which means these kids moods are crazy with the added fact they have learnt the art of back chat, that’s right the point in their lives where they feel semi brave to say sometime sarcastic back at you but are still thinking can I out run the old man??

If you are worrying about whether your child is turning into a teen then here are some signs:

Smelling worse – My god! Despite how many baths these kids take they still smell like they have run a Marathon, on a tread mill, in a fat suit inside a room with no windows or doors with the heating on full!! You would think it would be just the boys but oh no teen girls are just as bad if not worse, we have made shift hazmat suits to enter our pre teens room!

Sudden Deafness & Lack of Speech – Must be all the hormones blocking their ears which I imagine is a nightmare for them, It must be difficult not being able to hear me ask you to tidy your room when I’m stood next too you but the sound of me ordering your dinner is so loud you have to come downstairs and see whats going on. Also it makes me so sad that I’ve spent your whole life teaching you to talk and these changes revert you back to cavemen “do you want to do something at the weekend?….ug!”

Worrying about your teen
Worrying about your teen

As the kids are going into their teens it get’s me thinking of the things I did when I was a teen and I was no angel by far which is why I’m let worrying whenever they leave the house

I would start staying out later with my friends having the dreaded staying over which never ever ends well, last time we let our teenage boy his friends to stay over they were up all night giggle like little girls and really annoyed the neighbours by playing football outside their house at 8am!!!!

With teens they are going to experiment, they going to try alcohol at some point, smoking, fighting, drugs even sex. This Terrifies the crap out of me, I have already had the talk with the children and would like to think they are smart enough to avoid these things but they are teens and we all know what a good idea in their world is like.

So if all I have to look forward to through their teenage years is visits by the Police, talks with teachers and fingers crossed none with the midwives then I better hold on tight for the bumpy ride.

I could always just lock them in their rooms until the teenage faze ends…..

Daddy Giraffe x






Father – DNA doesn’t make you dad

If you look in the dictionary the word Father means a male parent.

Anyone can make a child you just light some candles and put on some mood music…so I’m told anyway.

Just because you contributed some DNA doesn’t mean you are a Father, that right is earned by love, attention and reliability.

I met 3 kids a while ago who had the most amazing mommy, she did everything by herself she was both parents in one. She kept them safe, showered them with love and gave them the earth and more. These 3 children were so well-mannered and behaved that you wouldn’t believe this mother did it all without a cape or any superpowers.

Unfortunately the dad wasn’t around much and slowly disappeared form the scene it’s a sad story but true.

I have looked after these children for 6 years now and it was a long process from being the guy who was just around every once in a while to the guy that lived there. Over time I started to gain these little people’s trust but there was still battles to go through.

Patience and time was the key, spending time to get to know them individually.

Harry the eldest was very stand offish, very timid, you couldn’t say boo to this boy without him crying so I had to be calm and softer with him than I usually am which was difficult since I’m used to rough housing from kickboxing and MMA so to meet a boy as vulnerable as Harry was an experience, I learnt patience from him.

Ellie Jayne was very shy at first but settled well she was funny and clever. She was such a daddies girl when I met her so she had no time for other male role models in her life but sadly she was being let down and eventually she would open up and I would listen to her problems and was soon aware of how diplomatic she was, she would make a great Prime Minister some day. I learnt to listen from Ellie

Annabelle was a beautiful, giggly, outgoing, so so clever and was just learning the ways of the world. I had the privilege of helping her learn new things, doing homework, helping her with gaining her confidence. I was there for her first day at school and even our battle of wills over eating a fish finger which she won by the way by falling asleep at the table. We soon bonded quickly. I learnt to love and want kids from bonding with Annabelle.

father like daughter
Father like daughter

Over the years I cleaned up sick, looked after them when they were poorly, held them when they were sad, joined them in their high points, watched them go to new schools and taking them on holidays for family memories.

They got to the point when they sat me down and asked if they could take my name, wow I never imagined that in a million years. I asked if they were sure about this and they all in agreed saying they were 100% sure. So the paperwork was filled in and signed and we are in the process of getting in done.

From no children to 5 children, from never wanting kids to meeting 3 children and wanting more kids. These 3 have changed my life completely and I look forward to watching them grow up and being a granddad.

So you don’t need DNA to be a dad or parent, what you need in time and love. That makes you a true father.

Daddy Giraffe x






Wow 34! Do i feel older and when do you start to feel old?

Today I reach the age of 34 wow!!

Yesterday I was all young and hip then at the stroke of 12am I was an old, out of touch 34 year old.

So do I feel any different not really no but I do find myself thinking when did I get so old in things like seeing young people with their trousers so low you can see their boxers, this is where I find myself shaking my head and tutting.

With that said again I asked some of you when was the point in your life that you found yourself feeling old and their responses were great and I could relate to as well which is worrying.

Am I turning into one of those people who complain my cup of tea is either to milky or to strong? or the fact that I found myself refusing to buy coffee because the price went up 50p and walked elsewhere to find some cheaper…that’s right walked!!

Anyway here is what some people also in my position had to say about it:

“When I realised I let out a little noise every time I stood up after sitting”

“When I realised that I wanted to put the heating on, and actively looked forward to a cup of tea”

“Right now after reading this and realising at 41 I must be ancient!!”

“When I sprouted grey hairs and my back started creaking every time I stand up”

“When I read an article on the benefits of middle aged people walking and saw that 40 was in that middle aged range. I know it’s likely that I passed my middle age a while back but seeing it in black and white was a bit of a shock. I don’t feel old at all!”

“When I walked past a group of teenagers and they looked right through me as I am now in the ‘so old I’m invisible to teens bracket’!”

“When filling in forms and you have to tick the age 35 – 40 box , or working with a group of girls who are all in their early 20’s”

“When I went to the cinema and asked for a pack of Opal Fruits and the 18 year old assistant looked at me like I was an alien. My boyfriend said “ignore her, she’s still stuck in the 80’s and actually wants Starbursts”

“Working with people who have never watched friends when it was actually first on TV and have only seen it through repeats.”

I think I can look at this a few ways

  1. I can say well I’m 34 and not quite 35 and just cram as much a I can within a year all the crazy stuff like having an extra sugar in my coffee (Living on the wild side)
  2. Admit I’m getting old and live with it, embrace the noises when I get up or moaning when its to hot or to cold. If I’m gonna be old might as well through my all into it (Not too much though in case I break a hip)
  3. Denial..Denial…Denial.

34 wow seemed just like yesterday I was 33!!

Daddy Giraffe x




Hello my name is Gareth and i’m an asshole

You may look at my title of this post and say “no not at all Gareth you’re not an asshole”

Well thank you for kind words but the truth is I know I am an asshole but I will clearly tell you this so you’re not surprised in the future.

I will tell you this in advance because I have a habit of making things worse. When I try to make them better it comes across the wrong way which ends up making things worse or because my mood switches so fast I will say something I’m not usually aware of.

But in most cases my biggest problem is I say what I feel and don’t think about it beforehand.

Because I have trouble processing you when we first meet and there are lots of thoughts making their own opinions at once about you I will generally take the more prominent thought and if its I don’t like your face then I won’t speak to you. Now I know how this sounds that I’m judging you on your face alone and I’m sure your all beautiful but It will then take me months of thinking about it before I can make the decision to talk to you and open up a bit more, it’s a crappy situation for everyone to be in but it does work out, just think of me as a guy in a mail room sorting thousands of letters looking for the right one to carry on with my life.

I will walk off into another room sometimes the whole time your here, it’s not be being rude on purpose but sometimes I just can’t handle the situation of someone new or someone I know being here I can’t process it so I will take myself away leaving people to generally think I’m an asshole.

No I would love to say this is all Mental Health related but no I honestly can’t, in certain situations I am a true asshole and will laugh instinctively at a lot of things that are inappropriate for example if I could get away with it as writing it down as a hobbies on an application from I would put my hobbies are watching people slip over in the icy weather or when my dog runs into the door thinking it’s already open.

These little things give me pleasure in life knowing that we are all just human and no matter how high in society you are if you fall over I’m going to laugh my ass off.

Unfortunately I am going to snap at you at some point despite who you are or what you do and its an instinct thing, I will regret it afterwards once its done but I wont apologise because I’m an asshole!! (I’m kidding I will apologise if needed)

Personality Disorder sucks big time, a lot of the time you won’t know where you stand with me but I just want you to know if your my friend or family despite me being an asshole and a pain in the ass to deal with, just remember that I love you all and wouldn’t hurt you knowingly. Things don’t come as natural to me as they should and that’s because I’m listening to lots of advice that just doesn’t make sense or I just can’t handle the situation I’m in and its easier for everyone if I just walk away.

So if you meet anyone like me no matter what age or race don’t avoid us or label us, just give me time to process you and we will be the best of friends.

I am Daddy Giraffe and I am an Asshole!


Annabelle Baby to Middle. P.O.T.D 24/10/17

What can I say about Annabelle??

I first met Annabelle nearly 6 years ago, she was so small only 2 years old but a very tiny girl. Her first ever set of words to me was “I’ve just farted” and I knew from them 3 words I would love this little girl.

Unfortunately her daddy wasn’t around as much as she hoped and I hadn’t been a parent before so I learnt everything I know now as a daddy from raising this little girl with guidance from Cheryl.

I watched her grow (Kinda..shes still very small) I have taught her things she needed to know as she grows older, holding her hand until she was confident enough to walk up stairs, fighting monsters and invisible friends that kept her awake and even cleaned up kiddie sick in the middle of the night.

Annabelle was the baby of the 3 children and she was very spoilt, then along came Freddie and Bethie where Annabelle suddenly jumped from being the baby to the middle child!

Over the years she has struggled to find her place, battling for attention from everyone but always keeps a positive spin on everything no matter what the situation.

Realisation came today when my partner mentioned their were less pictures of me and Annabelle over the years and more of me and the babies which saddens me because it would never would have been my intention to show her less attention than the others but looking through photos I could see it.

Annabelle I want you to remember I may have 5 children in total but you were and always will be my first baby.

So keep your bright-eyed attitude and you will go far in life while me and mummy watch in the background proud that we raised such an amazing little girl.

So my pic of the day is of me and my Annabelle

Annabelle and me
Me and a poorly Annabelle





Embarrasing moments your kids have put you in

We all know kids are completely random and embarrassing at times especially at home but they all have that magical moment inside them where they usually wait for a sensitive or serious situation to launch their attack that makes you want the ground to open up and swallow you whole.

One of my embarrassing moments happened to be not long ago in fact, I was walking Freddie home from nursery and a young lady held the door open for us, a very nice thing to do where my 3 year old stops looks at her and says “You’re a big lady arent you” then casual walks away leaving me in a situation where somehow I’m the asshole.

Embarrassing Moment
Embarrassing Moments

I have asked around for a few examples of these kind of things, I’m going to be honest I wanted to hear them to lighten up my day and hopefully your will to by reading this. Here are some of the best ones i have found…enjoy.

My eldest daughter once shouted “look at the size of her bum!” To a lady with a rather large backside

Pulling down my top in public because he wanted a feed so I accidentally flashed a few people

We are in a restaurant out for a family meal and my daughter goes to the toilet. She then comes back to the table screaming that she did a poo, like you mummy. Then gave a high-five to everyone

My son was preparing for his first holy Communion…we had prepared him for weeks as his favourite word to say at the time was F*ck… He has many special needs , we knew one day he would no longer be able to speak, so we didn’t correct him for this word ( he used it appropriately too😂) His communion rolled around and we bribed him and he seemed to understand that word was not allowed at mass ! The priest kept going on and on towards the end of mass. My son isn’t one for sitting still, he had done his 40 minutes and to be honest the priest was still going at 50 mins son stood up, I assumed he was going to walk around with his aid …he put his two hands together and roared “A fucking Men” …quickly I grabbed him while the rows in front of us , all bent their heads while their shoulders moved up and down… thankfully the priest was half deaf 😉

My daughter pointed to the lady standing next to us in a long, busy Queue & said (very loudly I might add) ‘Look Mummy, she is pregnant just like you!’ The lady then kindly said ‘No my dear, that’s just my tummy!’ I could have died with embarrassment

We went to a posh ice cream parlour and an older lady was peering over the glass counter to choose a flavour and my 19 month old walked up to her and slapped her on both bum cheeks. I was so shocked I couldn’t get any words out, but thank god she laughed.

Taking my four year old and my two year old around Tesco’s, I find myself in the toiletries aisle alongside a rather attractive man, so I’m trying to look all casual and stuff. Randomly, my four year old points to the Tampax boxes and shouts (yes, shouts!) “MUMMY LOOK! THERE’S THOSE THINGS YOU PUT UP YOUR BOTTOM!!” and looks *really* pleased with herself. I LITERALLY DIED

When my eldest was younger. I had him in his baby carrier, and he managed to kick down my jeans in the middle of a shop. I had shopping in my hand and him on the front, I was just stood there flashing my granny pants to everyone!

My (then) three year old sang “who ate all the pies” to a rather large man at the garage. I almost died.

While getting changed at the pool at Centre Parks a couple of years back my son took great delight in yelling out ‘mummy! You’ve got a penis!’ I did point out (very loudly) that no I actually don’t have a penis, thanks but predictably he wanted to make sure that everyone heard and argued it out. Looking forward to returning the favour one day

I have to say I loved reading every single one of these they really did make me laugh to the point where my children are suspicious at why I’m laughing.

For all those mummy’s and daddy’s that have been embarrassed by their children just remember that one day they will get the same in return, and the cycle goes on.

Thanks for reading

Daddy Giraffe x

Children’s Cartoon Characters That Baffle Me

We all have that one children’s cartoon that we secretly enjoy, mine happens to be The Amazing Adventures of Gumball.

Despite having your favourites you will find yourself watching many different cartoons and if your anything like me and how I think you would have thought something wasn’t quite right with some of the programs or Characters

So I have decided to list my Top Ten Kids TV characters that just don’t sit right with me and the reasons why…I hope you enjoy.

10. Tinky Winky – Now I know for sure that I’m not alone here when this character is brought up. Lets start with the name, I’m not sure I’m comfortable with my kids watching a giant fluffy thing called Tinky Winky, that’s the best name they could come up with? Knowing that it’s a children’s TV program. Not only is he giant and purple and carrying around a purse, now there nothing wrong with carrying a purse in fact I would buy my son a push chair if he wanted it but there is just something off with a character that all they can say is Tinky Winky.

9. Peppa Pig – My son loves Peppa Pig and watches it all the time, the problem I have is she is a spoilt little brat who talks to her parents like crap and gets away with it.  Also in the town where they live they are all animals that can talk from Pigs to Elephants but on their days out they visit the ducks on the pond?? Are these ducks not allowed to speak freely in this town but are reduced to bits of bread from Peppa and Daddy Pig, why don’t they talk it’s the same as Goldie the Fish, apparently if you’re a water based animal you don’t count sorry guys.

8. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle – As a kid I love TMNT I would watch it every Saturday morning without fail, it wasn’t until I was watching it with my little boy that I looked at them in their colourful bandannas and thought who are they disguising themselves for? I’m pretty sure they isn’t another 4 giant turtles wandering the city that they could be mistaken for.

7. Mr Tumble – I can’t turn on my TV without seeing this guy and all of his tumble family, now he has a very close family or he has a multiple personality’s.  Freddie has his books and a Tumble doll which you hear say “I’m Mr Tumble Honk” at 2 in the morning when he turns over. I’m also slightly suspicious that he is making up his own sign language but I don’t know enough to catch him out.

6. Cinderella – I was watching this with my 8 year old the other night, and I hadn’t even thought about it until I saw the film. Fairy Godmother says you must be back by the strike of 12 because everything will change back…BUT NOT HER SLIPPERS!! not only that but is there nobody in the whole kingdom that has the same shoe size as Cinderella?

5. Phineas & Ferb – Now I love this program I watch it just for Doofenshmirtz but the one thing I’m not sure about is why Phineas’s family are normal with normal sized heads so whys is his head a triangle?? What happened to this poor boy? How does he blow his nose without cutting himself?

4 .Winnie the Pooh – More like Willy the Pooh…put some damn trousers on Winnie!! You already put your t-shirt on then just got lazy.

3. Shimmer & Shine – If you don’t know this program its a bout a girl who has 2 genies in training and she happens to get 3 wishes a day. Sound good I hear you say, she could change the world i hear you say, stop hunger, stop war or even stop natural disasters. But she wishes for cake, more cake, flowers and every day basic shop brought items. Selfish!

2. Ryder – Paw patrol is big in our house and on most of the time….a lot of questions here so let me take a deep breath. Where’s this kids parents? Where does he get all this  money to buy all this tech? Why do only the Paw Patrol talk and no other animal? When he video calls them how do we see they faces..they don’t have phones or cameras? Why is there no emergency services in the place other than the Paw Patrol. ( I think I’m done)

1.Norman Price – This kids got to go, vote him out, have a petition and ship him off. Norman is the route cause for 90 percent of Pontypandy’s fires and emergencies. But despite  nearly ending the world, burning his town down to a crisp just a simple sorry Sam and all is forgiven until next time you have a bright idea Norman Bloody Price!!

I hope you liked this and if you have anymore you would like to add then please feel free to let me know

Daddy Giraffe x

*Kids TV Picture was from Google search*



Random thoughts throughout the day.

We all have random thoughts throughout the day its normal but due to the fact of I have a slightly different way of thinking I have so many rapid thoughts within minutes, hours all throughout the day.

I would like to take you through my random thoughts of today, when you see them you will agree they are a little strange but that is just a handful of minor thoughts I have that are mellow.

Naming storms, this one baffles me because I know they are professionals that track these dangerous storms throughout the world BUT who names them?? Do they all sit in a room around a table and say “You know what this storm is going to be named BrianBRIAN!! who’s going to prepare for a serious storm named after your neighbour? If I named a storm it would be Hurricane Holly Crap Here It Comes.

Strange Storm Names
Hurricane Holly Crap Here It Comes

If I was a caveman how long would I of survived? The answer is I would have led a very short life, I’m scared of spiders I know I am maybe 1000 time bigger than they are but I still run. Can you imagine what I would do if I saw a T-Rex, I wont even have shoes on  to hit it with!!!

As you may of read a while a go I was questioning my own morality which got me thinking to what if I was reincarnated, what animal, item or plant would I come back as? A powerful Tiger, Bear, Lion or even something adorable as a Panda but when I think about it I boil it down to 2 things, a Giraffe like all my family call me or a Cactus lazy and prickly.

Lonely Caucus
Life as a Prickly Cactus

I’m pretty sure early on today I felt the earth move?

If something happened in a situation where I managed to inherit super powers would I use them for good or evil, now every fibre of my being and soul says I would be a Superhero but in reality I would try to take over the world. I’ve just got to think of a cool name…Cactus Man maybe?

Cactus Man
I am Cactus Man

I was looking at my beautiful partner Cheryl today and as she walked away I thought she has a great bum I wonder if she looks at me an thinks the same

I was changing the nappy of my little one and I thought its strange I’m looking after them now and when I’m old they will be looking after me….I hope

If I owned a country or Island what would I name it….Giraffe Land or something more sinister to strike fear into other countries like..Ninjatopalas

I should give up swearing but I stub my toe and everything just pours out in a I hate the world kind of way

Trying not to swear
Stop Swearing

Yes I’ll have a coffee thank you…coffee arrives…I didn’t want a coffee. this happens when a lot especially while ordering food, I waited until the waiter came to take my desert order I went with the moment and ordered Meringue. The desert arrives I don’t even like meringue

As I write this up I realise how random these things are but these questions need answering in case I every come across these  situations.

What are you random thoughts of the day?

Daddy Giraffe x