Things I never thought I would end up doing or hearing as a parent

Growing up from a child yourself to a teen and then into adulthood you think you have seen everything, your grown now and done it all, this is until you have children then you see and end up doing things that you could have never prepared yourself for in life.

So here are my top 10 things I never thought I would have to do as a parent some of them you may relate to

10. Who’s peed on the floor??? Yes a question not only I ask but my partner does also, now there are 3 boys and 4 girls in the house but guaranteed it’s a surprise every time and turns into a full blown investigation where everyone claims they haven’t been to the toilet today.

9. Stop biting the dog! That’s right you would thing the dog would be nipping the children but no, the dog is lying fast asleep on the floor and my 1 year old who is like a crawling ninja quietly commando crawls to the sleeping dog and bites the dog the poor dog tries to get away but Bethie is fast on his heals shouting doggy…doggy.

My Beautiful Bethie Boo

8. Dealing with Hormones. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would have to deal with this but I now have a 12 year old pre teen who’s hormones are at an all time high and she is just crying at everything and I have no idea what I’m meant to do. So I did what I’ve seen in the films and that was give her some chocolate and hide until it’s all blown over…I hope storm Ellie is over soon.

7. Chasing my escapee toddler. Now this one I wasn’t prepared for in the slightest, our front door is always locked but on this occasion he clocked that we didn’t lock the door, I’m happily washing up singing badly to the radio and I see this nearly naked toddler in just a pair of blue wellies running down the street it took me a while to click “Oh Crap that’s my kid”

6. Having one of the elder children turn to me and as is there a U or an A in the word SHOE?? I just looked until I realised it was a legitimate question and simple just shook my head.

5. Cleaning sick. No baby sick is a whole different thing I can deal with baby sick but when an older child is sick it’s so much worse because they just eat the most random crap. The worse thing iv’e had to clean up to date is Banana and Coco Pops sick is was horrible…never again…the horror!!

4. When your child comes to you covered in stuff and you pray it’s not their own poo, no that’s definitely poo

3. Sleep Talking. We all have done things throughout the day that we dream of at night but kids have the strangest dreams and when they talk out loud in their sleep it’s weird. I’ve heard one of the kids talking what sounded like Chinese, another arguing with their brother in their sleep and the freakiest thing is when they are full blown laughing but they are fast asleep..you cant prepare for hearing that at 2am.

2. It’s very quiet in the house, a little to quiet so where is Freddie? We start searching the house until I hear whistling coming from the downstairs toilet and there he is sat inside the toilet stuck! I don’t know how long he was there but he was happy enough just to wait to be found.

Toilet troubles Freddie?
How did you get there?

1.Arguing with a toddler at stupid o’clock in the morning that no they can’t get up and no they can’t have any sweets. The screaming starts and you’ve got to try to explain the reasons why and suddenly you  become to some sort of negotiator to try and calm the situation down before the whole street wakes up to the sound of an angry toddler.

I would love to say that these things wouldn’t surprise me anymore and I would get used to it wouldn’t be true, kids have a wonderful way of catching you off guard and leaving you speechless.

Daddy Giraffe x

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