Taking a closer look

What a crazy year it has been so far and it’s not even over yet but will bound to be busy with the up and coming months ahead and as im thinking about the journey ive been on ive started taking a closer look and certain things pop up which I was blind too.

If you read my blog you will know a have been diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder which not only took its toll on me but my entire family with Cheryl taking the full force of it and handling it the best she could without turning to anyone as I kept my illness a secret.

Throughout the hardest times in our relationship and the battle with appointments I was to busy dwelling within myself and hating the rest of the world to see this woman, the mother of my children the person who stood not moving throughout it all was standing right in front of me.

We broke up I couldn’t take the arguing or what I though was arguing and despite the protests I walked away for what I thought was the right reasons and stuck to my decision then it struck me I was sectioned.

Despite the way she was treated and all the tears and heartbreak this woman went through she took me by the hand and helped me though it all, drove 2 hours a day to visit me when I was so alone in this world just to show me that someone cared but again I didn’t see this.

Again filled with low self pity and focusing on the fact that I was right and this was the right thing to do I pushed her away, said horrible things and wasn’t there in her own time of need with her health which to this day I will always carry with me, nobody should feel like they are alone despite what the reasons are.

Arguments and tears followed by more tears is how it goes and then I get the news that I get the news I may have something seriously wrong with me when test results come back abnormal but again like the rock she is she took my hand and told me it would be ok.

Talking to me and helping me throughout the whole ordeal she was selfless and a much much better person than ill ever be.

So after thinking and taking a hard look at things, the one thing in all this is Cheryl who is my guardian angel, my rock to this very day, without her god knows where I would be or even if i would be here at all.

But I couldn’t even return the favour, but I vow to make the change and show her that she does count in this life, she is loved, she is cared for and if it takes me a life time I will repay her and show her these things.

Theres not many people in this world you connect with or say that you love, throughout your good and bad times but this is someone I can say I love with all my heart and that it hurts my soul to think I caused them an ounce of pain.

The past doesn’t matter its the future and how you make it right that counts.

Dont believe in angels or good people….ladies and gentlemen I give you Cheryl!

 

 

 

 

 

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