Time to come back and start again…
I haven’t been around for a while on here my blog or even on my Facebook Daddy Giraffe Page and what it was the reason?
The day had come I dreaded and that was the day I was sectioned!
A lot of things have been happening that changes a person’s life, a break up of a relationship, being told you have no options if you suffer with such a Mental Health issues and getting used to adapting in change with seeing the children.
For days my thoughts plagued me about how much of a failure I was as a farther, a partner, a man and a human being.
When you have these thoughts there is no time or space for other thoughts because your mind just dominates with negative feeling and thoughts, not only that but just to add insult to injury the Schizophrenia part of me has now come into please to reassure me about how much the world would be better and happier without me
I stopped taking my meds as I couldn’t trust myself and would sleep all the time, if I had the chance I would sleep 24/7.
I started to drift from reality and couldn’t take it anymore.
Before I had realised, I found myself in a field alone and I knew I had to get help or this is it for me and maybe somebody else.
I called the crisis team and told them I need help or I will be dead by the end of the day and the way im felling I could take the world with me, they arranged to see me straight away at my parents.
I called Cheryl as she was the first person I thought of and she somehow found me taking me back to were the Crisis Team came, assessed me and left.
The decision was to section me for a short while so as I waited I went to sleep waking u to a phone call of I’m going to Stafford.
St Georges Hospital Brockton Ward
I arrive at the hospital thanks to Cheryl and they are waiting for me, im anxious and very agitated.
They show me around the small ward and which consisted of sofas, chairs, a TV that was encased in a huge wooden case screwed to the wall yet a pool table??
They had a kitchen where we could make drinks with fruit available if needed.
My room is what I expected, the windows were caged, everything was made out of wood and set into the floor the shower was a wet room and the toilet didn’t have a seat but again there was no way it was coming out of the ground.
They took my razors and shaving foam, headphones, phone charger and the carrier bag my clothes were brought in off me and locked them away.
I was under observation every 15 minutes and I had to keep my bathroom light on so they could see me.
Time goes so long when you sat in a room by yourself with nothing to do, luckily they left me my phone to contact the outside world but whats the point when nobody knows where you are?
Examination time comes along and im taken into the clinical room where I refuse to be touched by anyone, 2 nurses and a doctor try to calm the situation down but it’s decided that im better off leaving to go back to my room and within minutes a group of nurses are at my door to try to bargain with me but leave empty-handed.
The first night was spend awake listening to footsteps walk towards my room as they peek through the door then walk away.
After broken sleep im much more relaxed and agree to have my blood taken and a check up with little resistance and just waited until visiting time trying to avoid talking to anyone around me.
Visiting time comes and its Cheryl and mom who took the hour journey there and back to see me and check everything was ok, a shock to the system I bet to see someone so close to you in a Mental Hospital.
For days I kept myself to myself not talking to anyone because in this state I don’t mix well with others but they somehow managed to get me to partake in a quiz with a different ward.
Sounds calming right? Good Fun?
Except half way through arguments break out between two groups and me an another patient, luckily Cheryl was there to pull me back in line quick or I would have been in there a lot longer.
The days pass and the better I feel until a meeting was arranged with the doctors, me and Cheryl to talk about letting me back into the real world under the Mental Heath Team with weekly reviews.
The worlds biggest thank you to Cheryl for helping me through such a dark and scary time, guiding me towards help, driving countless hours to see me, being at the end of the phone day or night to tell me it was all going to be ok.
Thank you isn’t big enough, the pain, sadness and fright this woman has gone through cannot be repaid but I will do my very best to make amends and build bridges where they have fallen.
They say time is a healer and I hope the saying it true so I can heal open wounds.
But from the bottom of my heart your support meant the world to me!
What happens now?
Well I try to get better!
I’m out which is a start, medicated and slowly but surly finding my feet in this world again.
Somehow learning to be a normal human with real emotions and everything, well we will start with saying hi to people first.
Trying to build bridges and most importantly be the best daddy I can be!
The healing starts now
Daddy Giraffe x