With all the events of the past few weeks even months ive been questioning things trying to find out who I am.
Am I a bad person?
I like anyone else has made mistakes in their lives but to what degree to you stop and thing am I a bad person?
Relationships I have been in have broken down with me offering very little in emotional support because I have just been unable too although I do try my best.
It must be hard to deal with someone so has a problem being emotional unstable and switching form mood to mood.
If I cant love myself than how can I love someone else and that has been the problem, I come across selfish & uncaring.
Am I a good daddy?
The one thing in my life I try to be is a good daddy, I do everything I can to make sure they know daddy is there and that they know I love them very much.
They are happy, polite and never go without.
But what kind of example am I settling to my children when they can see me bouncing from mood to mood.
Will they think that this is the normal way to be and start to treat others this way, I dont want that, its not the life I want for any of my children.
I want them to grow up respecting people, partners, friends and people in general while leading a normal life.
My Bad Choices and Decisions
Because of my personality I make decisions on the spot and to be honest it never always turns out the way I want it.
Example: I was once at a restaurant and it was time or desert it got to me and I ordered Lemon Meringue it wasn’t until it got to the table that I remembered I hate Meringue!
I have no filter so when I argue things are said that an never be taken away and feelings are hurt no matter how it was meant to come out or not it still has happened and people get hurt.
Sometimes im not in the right frame of mine and in my own world and I wont even know your there so you feel invisible, again its not on purpose but it happens.
What happens now?
Number 1 is I take my medication with no excuses on why I missed it, instead take it regularly and on time.
Try to show more love to my children, I give all my love as it is but I want them to know daddy isn’t bad and this is not the way to be when you grow up.
Be a better person, talk to people, take their feelings into consideration even starting on something simple like listening.
I try to be a good person but sometimes it hard, so how do I find me?
Focus on the here and now, focus on the positive and in time hopefully you see a new me.
What this space!!
Daddy Giraffe x