You may look at my title of this post and say “no not at all Gareth you’re not an asshole”
Well thank you for kind words but the truth is I know I am an asshole but I will clearly tell you this so you’re not surprised in the future.
I will tell you this in advance because I have a habit of making things worse. When I try to make them better it comes across the wrong way which ends up making things worse or because my mood switches so fast I will say something I’m not usually aware of.
But in most cases my biggest problem is I say what I feel and don’t think about it beforehand.
Because I have trouble processing you when we first meet and there are lots of thoughts making their own opinions at once about you I will generally take the more prominent thought and if its I don’t like your face then I won’t speak to you. Now I know how this sounds that I’m judging you on your face alone and I’m sure your all beautiful but It will then take me months of thinking about it before I can make the decision to talk to you and open up a bit more, it’s a crappy situation for everyone to be in but it does work out, just think of me as a guy in a mail room sorting thousands of letters looking for the right one to carry on with my life.
I will walk off into another room sometimes the whole time your here, it’s not be being rude on purpose but sometimes I just can’t handle the situation of someone new or someone I know being here I can’t process it so I will take myself away leaving people to generally think I’m an asshole.
No I would love to say this is all Mental Health related but no I honestly can’t, in certain situations I am a true asshole and will laugh instinctively at a lot of things that are inappropriate for example if I could get away with it as writing it down as a hobbies on an application from I would put my hobbies are watching people slip over in the icy weather or when my dog runs into the door thinking it’s already open.
These little things give me pleasure in life knowing that we are all just human and no matter how high in society you are if you fall over I’m going to laugh my ass off.
Unfortunately I am going to snap at you at some point despite who you are or what you do and its an instinct thing, I will regret it afterwards once its done but I wont apologise because I’m an asshole!! (I’m kidding I will apologise if needed)
Personality Disorder sucks big time, a lot of the time you won’t know where you stand with me but I just want you to know if your my friend or family despite me being an asshole and a pain in the ass to deal with, just remember that I love you all and wouldn’t hurt you knowingly. Things don’t come as natural to me as they should and that’s because I’m listening to lots of advice that just doesn’t make sense or I just can’t handle the situation I’m in and its easier for everyone if I just walk away.
So if you meet anyone like me no matter what age or race don’t avoid us or label us, just give me time to process you and we will be the best of friends.
I am Daddy Giraffe and I am an Asshole!