Taking a closer look

What a crazy year it has been so far and it’s not even over yet but will bound to be busy with the up and coming months ahead and as im thinking about the journey ive been on ive started taking a closer look and certain things pop up which I was blind too.

If you read my blog you will know a have been diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder which not only took its toll on me but my entire family with Cheryl taking the full force of it and handling it the best she could without turning to anyone as I kept my illness a secret.

Throughout the hardest times in our relationship and the battle with appointments I was to busy dwelling within myself and hating the rest of the world to see this woman, the mother of my children the person who stood not moving throughout it all was standing right in front of me.

We broke up I couldn’t take the arguing or what I though was arguing and despite the protests I walked away for what I thought was the right reasons and stuck to my decision then it struck me I was sectioned.

Despite the way she was treated and all the tears and heartbreak this woman went through she took me by the hand and helped me though it all, drove 2 hours a day to visit me when I was so alone in this world just to show me that someone cared but again I didn’t see this.

Again filled with low self pity and focusing on the fact that I was right and this was the right thing to do I pushed her away, said horrible things and wasn’t there in her own time of need with her health which to this day I will always carry with me, nobody should feel like they are alone despite what the reasons are.

Arguments and tears followed by more tears is how it goes and then I get the news that I get the news I may have something seriously wrong with me when test results come back abnormal but again like the rock she is she took my hand and told me it would be ok.

Talking to me and helping me throughout the whole ordeal she was selfless and a much much better person than ill ever be.

So after thinking and taking a hard look at things, the one thing in all this is Cheryl who is my guardian angel, my rock to this very day, without her god knows where I would be or even if i would be here at all.

But I couldn’t even return the favour, but I vow to make the change and show her that she does count in this life, she is loved, she is cared for and if it takes me a life time I will repay her and show her these things.

Theres not many people in this world you connect with or say that you love, throughout your good and bad times but this is someone I can say I love with all my heart and that it hurts my soul to think I caused them an ounce of pain.

The past doesn’t matter its the future and how you make it right that counts.

Dont believe in angels or good people….ladies and gentlemen I give you Cheryl!

 

 

 

 

 

Bethie enters the terrible twos

The time has come that I dreaded and that is my Bethie becoming 2, now this is for a number of reasons the first being I just don’t want her to grow up she’s my baby and I want her to stay like that.

The other reason is I didn’t want her entering the terrible twos, you know this im sure most people have experienced this where your 2-year-old wakes up and decides they are teenagers now and don’t have to listen to a word you say.

Bethie
Bethie

As soon as Bethie celebrated her 2nd birthday she must of unwrapped a gift that was attitude.

With being 2 we decided to put her into nursery, Freddie enjoyed it so of course Bethie would do right?

We couldn’t be further from the truth the second she got in the place she screamed blue murder, fighting the staff as they try to contain this tiny little hulk dressed in polka dots.

Every day we would take her and pick her up, leaving her screaming and picking her up screaming but you ask her if she had a good day and she would reply with yes!

Bethie caught chickenpox or we thought she did after a week of being there and so we had to stop her going as she was poorly and this angel slept you get that feeling every parent gets of awww there so cute…..crap there waking up!!!

After trips to the doctors we found out it wasn’t chickenpox and that she was allergic to everything so she could go back to school.

School time arrived and I walked her into class expecting this big scene but……nothing?

She walks in goes and plays in the sand not even a goodbye.

Oh I guess that’s a good thing as im stood on my own childless because my 2-year-old is to cool to be seen with daddy in front of her friends.

Among this new attitude come new eating habits out of nowhere and when I say habits I mean she has decided she doesn’t like food at all except if it looks like a crisp or tastes like cheese.

You would swear this girl sounds like she only dolphins can hear her, our poor neighbours must be sick of hearing her scream every dinner time or because she doesn’t want to watch Ryan on TV she wants to watch….Ryan.

So the next time you see my beautiful daughter in the street looking like butter wouldn’t melt just remember she’s not all sugar and spice.

Love you Bethie

Daddy Giraffe x